brain washed

if the motions in my brain could be displayed,

it would look something like this.

stirred yet somewhat calm.

i read the blogs of beautiful people

and i think their life is amazing.

then i read my own and get bored.

(hey. i always claimed to be boring)

but it all lies in our perception,

doesn't it?

i want to live a beautiful life too

nobody should be denied that chance.

so yes,

my past is probably the biggest mess ever.

sometimes i look back and hate how i wasted it.

but then,

i need to stop looking back.

it isn't worth all the attention anymore.

instead,

i ought to take full responsibility of "now"

and make the best of it.

only then will this vicious cycle of regret be broken.

so yes.

i admit i am still lost.

i have no goals.

i have no true purpose.

i have no role models.

i am not defined.

i'd say this is a brilliant day to start discovering myself.

one thing is for sure.

i need to anchor myself in the word of God.

heard so much of the Word.

but i never consistently act upon it.

(guilty)

“And out of that hopeless attempt has come 

nearly all that we call human history—money, poverty, 

ambition, war, prostitution, classes, empires, 

slavery—the long terrible story of man 

trying to find something other than God 

which will make him happy.”

C. S. Lewis

a new beginning. . .