[ green eyes - coldplay]
lunar new year is here!
once again. . .
my parents left for their yearly honeymoon.
dumping me and my sisters alone.
they deserve the break though. (:
working all throughout the year.
hope they have fun!
reunion dinner.
kinda like always.
good to see everyone again.
but this year lots of my aunties and their families are overseas.
still-
it was noisy.
going "pia nian" ourselves was boring.
not much things to do really.
and when my grandparents speak in dialect.
i just go huh?
not good at all!
i understand a little.
but i cant speak!
really bugs me.
at least me and my erjie is trying to learn.
oh well.
cny is less fun without parents.
since they were on their yearly honeymoon.
we also had our yearly midnight movie.
hah! (:
such horrid timeslots avaliable.
in the end we watched memoirs of a geisha at 240am.
reached home really tired.
second day of the lunar new year.
and i feel like i've gained 10kg.
steamboat after steamboat.
all the new year goodies.
rah-
time to exercise more!
weekends withour church is really wierd.
feels wierd.
seems as if it's like 2 weeks already.
i miss Your house!
it was the 2nd intake.
all my frens left.
you 3 were the only ones i knew.
so i stuck with you.
little did i know that you felt we were of different worlds.
if that was the case.
why didnt you say so?
guess you mind my presence right from the start.
school began.
laughters filled the air.
i thought jj wasnt so bad after all.
i did see we were different.
but that never bothered me at all.
my days with her were great.
dinners at mos burger was splendid.
boy-
do i miss those days.
it was becoz of you 2 that i joined tennis.
it made me try something that i would never have
if i was on my own.
then.
with no good reason.
i felt we started to drift.
more laughter among yourselves.
and sometimes i felt you'd be happier with me gone.
guess i was right.
you stopped explaining things to me.
that made me even more lost.
i ran to others.
saying you were nice girls.
but just too cheena for me.
guess i should have never said that.
feeling alienated from you wasnt nice at all.
i was there for the sake of being there.
the one i was closest to stopped talkking to me.
it felt wierd.
it wasnt nice.
i seek comfort in others.
may was one.
she was my enemy then.
how i would yell at her.
but things changed for us.
it might not be perfect.
and we dont agree on lots of things.
but differnces brought us together.
guess i did "xian qi" you after all.
but what's the point if you dont talk to me.
now it's all over.
i didnt know why she cried.
was it wrong of me to tell him?
maybe i should have asked.
but i had to tell him sooner or later.
you rolled your eyes and looked away.
it hurts.
the very reason why i join is now gone.
and all this while i was unaware.
that i dont mind.
but.
it means a great deal
when i start finding myself asking who the nicknames refer to.
i didnt know anything.
how not to be upset.
obviously you were waiting for me to leave.
corlii was there in the loo.
may was there to talk some sense into me.
the others didnt knew.
the words may said did "wake" me.
i cried coz i cared.
coz i still believed it was more than all this.
at least it was true for one.
those days.
when you stained your skirt.
when you banged your head.
when you had family probs.
my heart doesnt lie.
the pain i felt when such things happened.
it cant be some emotional hype of my own.
but now you dont give a dang.
made me feel accused.
as if i desired for things to be like that.
none of it was my idea.
and i dont think it's yours either.
what's done is done.
i dont expect that we could turn back into time.
maybe someday things would be better.
i believe it will.
but not now.
so now we are to turn our backs
and live like we're strangers?
i guess we dont have any other choice huh.
all i can hope for is that you're having fun.
and this is going out to everyone.
[ get some sleep - bic runga ]
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